I had been feeling flabby. Waking at dawn to the sound of seagull. Even they were more articulate. Through the skylight, even these mongrel birds knew the quick of themselves, they defined the air they flew in. Next to them, I was a lazy slob. How can anyone compare with a bird? To them, we are slugs. It's no wonder they have nothing to do with us. And so it was, prey to the whims of myself, others, and the birds in the sky, it was clear I needed a break. I decided to go to the State Apartments at Windsor Castle to see my master.

I still felt a strong urge for male company but George wasn't cutting the mustard. And K. was out of town. He was in the Netherlands buying books. But at least he was telling me the same lies he was telling his wife. But the need for male company was so strong that, finally, only a woman could answer it. I put a call to Axel to ask if he remembered a Madame X, from an unforgettable party off the coast of Kos. Well, my old friend remembered her and she was now living and working in Henley. Geographically, this was working out very well. And the masculine comes in many forms. Even better, on sunday Helen rang. She was taking the day off on tuesday to see her stepdaughter and step grandaughter at Legoland.  A relationship that was always strained, a theme park was the obvious place for them to avoid history. Without mentioning the nature of the coincidence, I said that I was in the same area that day and so we agreed to meet for a toffee apple.

Monday, my Master. It occured to me that by choosing to meet Madame X and my Master in such proximity I was, perhaps, in need of some parenting. So I began to work out the sites, and the events, that I would ask Madame X to visit upon my body. I was also mindful that I was developing a cough, and would factor it in. S & M is the most beneficial act that anyone can do to another. It promotes physical and emotional wellbeing through a psychology of the body and, as such, complements all work on the soul. I have had many conversations with administrators arguing the benefits of having S & M on the NHS. I was always considered a perverse Englishman, not to say insane but, with the continued advance of western capitalism, it will happen eventually. It'll also open a whole new career option for women. They could be trained up in Axel's Academy of Erotic Arts. Mmm, but I would insist on the importance of the psychology component of the course. Anyone can learn technique, but what is that without intention? Anyway, until then, it will cost us all a small fortune. In fact, I could have brought Thom his first car with the money it cost for three hours with Madame X but, no matter.

First Helen, in Legoland.