Helen is clear!

There is a deep pleasure in endings. Indeed, one should only embark on something if the pleasure of it's end is already in sight. Helen's news was hanging over me all week and so, the relief of hearing she does not have cancer was expressed, interestingly, in my purchasing two tickets for a celebratory performance of Messiaen's Quartet to the End of Time. Clearly, I am desperate for something to end.

Gareth is avoiding me.

And Colin, that most contemporary of men, I find him one of the most subtly deluded men I have ever met. Unable to experience, deeply, his own unhappiness, he seeks the cause of it.

I sense Gareth is not hearing what he wants from Colin.

I have stirred my coffee in the kitchen, waiting. I have strolled the hallway with the nonchalance of an executioner. But no Gareth.